cissalj: (Default)
More about that "birthday card"-

One of the things that made it so disgustingly funny was that they were trying to be all cheery about it. I think a better tactic would have been something like:

"Happy 50th Birthday!
You are now older than dirt.

Given your advanced age, your body is falling apart. You should probably start battening the hatches sooner rather than later, and colorectal screening is a good place to start.

Yes, it's expensive and uncomfortable, and disgusting but hey! it's only gonna get worse from here in all those ways! So you might as well start getting used to it now."

And leave the cake out of it.
cissalj: (Default)
Among the glamorous benefits of nearing 50 years old, I've been getting Stuff.

Like the AARP card. :P Which is stupid, because I dislike them for rolling over on the prescription health thing, plus- retired? Me? Not a chance, and not for years.

But a couple of days ago my health plan trumped the AARP in surreal birthday acknowledgments.

The card said, and I quote: "Happy 50th Birthday!" and on the inside: "You've improved with age. And FCHP is here for your continued good health.

"Now's the time to do something good for yourself.
Colorectal cancer screening...."*

And at that point I quit reading, because-

"Happy Birthday! To celebrate, let strangers stick stuff up your ass at enormous expense and discomfort!" was not exactly a message I was feeling like embracing.

For some odd reason. :P

I did notice that later elaborations in this "card" compared colorectal screening to cake (!).

Somehow I doubt it. Or else, I need to get very suspicious of cake.



*This is an exact, unedited quote from the "card" that is right now open in front of me. And yes, I'm saving it.

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